If for possess a vagina and for some unfathomable reason can't seem to find somebody to buy you undeserved drinks and dinner to stuff your cellulite laden ass, I honestly can't help you. If there is female genitalia between your legs and not one single male has yet approached you for at the very least a casual encounter, then there is something wrong with you, not him, you shambling mass of year old yeast infection. What I can do for you, however, is tell you whats wrong with you, and if any of those reasons apply to you then you need to seriously re-evaluate your choices in life.
I realize that being female you aren't exactly used to anyone pointing out your flaws and treating you as anything less than a fairy tale fuck princess that shoots joy and universal happiness out her asshole, but I think its time someone told you exactly why you can't get a date and who better to do it than a superior being such as myself. The following being for your own good, I suggest that instead of closing the browser in a fit of indignation as you are about to do, you keep reading and maybe god forbid learn enough to have someone want to accost your stalagmite encrusted, cavern-like twat without the aide of several gallons of 180 proof alcohol. Let's get started, shall we?
First and foremost, you have to have consistency in what kind of man you want. For example, you can't have a man who is funny, adventurous, happy and stable. That man does not exist. Happy people are almost %100 of the time not funny and adventurous people, by definition, aren't stable. You would know that if your brain mass hadn't been replaced with re-runs of the Tyra Banks Show and Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Pick a compatible combination of two traits you want in a man and stick with it. For example: Funny and miserable, stable and boring, or adventurous and prone to life threatening situations. Despite what miss Tyra says, you can't have it all and you're just going to have to accept it.
With the opening issue out of the way, let us now focus on you. When you uncross your legs, do you immediately hear children crying, pigs being slaughtered and men gnashing their teeth? Then its time for vaginal hygiene, you sorry excuse for a biological being. How is it that you can't smell your own rancid, smoking cum receptacle when any time you go swimming at the beach you cause an environmental disaster? Luckily for you, there are products invented just for you. Before going outside, be sure to first put on perfume, deodorant, and having squeezed three tubes of Vagisil inside your corpulent, corrupted cunt, enjoy your night out on the town, you poor, delusional creature.
Do you consistently look like you've just woken up from a three year hibernation and its making every man in your immediate vicinity run in the opposite direction while clawing at their eyes, desperately trying to rip out the impression your horrible visage has left permanently engraved on their poor retinas? Then quit wondering why your mother constantly calls you telling you that you'll never be married, because I've come up with a solution that should please both you and whatever poor, ignorant sap you will have found to keep on a leash and make to stuff your ass with cakes and pudding.
The first thing you'll need to do is visit your local party supply store and buy up as much clown makeup as you can. Next, paint yourself up as a funny (or sad) clown and go hunting for men with a clown fetish, because that is the only conceivable way that you can ever ensure that you won't die alone, you pile of wet, reeking garbage.
So we got vaginal care and makeup covered. What else, what else, what else..ah! Okay. Intellect. Look, if all your conversations begin and end with what shade of shoe you had bought for you by your previous idiot who couldn't differentiate between a girlfriend and a vapid money hole, then you desperately need to visit your local library and read up on ANYTHING. No man likes to sit across a table and listen to this painted up, clown looking, lotion smelling gargoyle blather on about her insatiable craving for anything but cock. Study up on current events and (preferably) sports, and I can guarantee a second date with whatever man child you've picked up at a bar who upon first approaching you looked like he was about to say something about penis pudding.
That's all I can think of at the moment, you precious, delicate flower of feminine radiance and crusty pubic regions, and even that was too much. If a woman can't simply come up to a random man on the street, say “fuck me” and get her way then she was destined to never see a dick outside of a Chippendales show. Yes, it is that easy. That is my last bit of advice for you. I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm really not. Go outside, right now, find a man you find attractive, and offer him some vag. Chances are that unless he's gay, he'll take you up on your offer, you whore.
Check back tomorrow, when I do something completely different!
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