Some inspiring thoughts

You know what? I was going to give you scum piles some advice on avoiding and overcoming sickness, but fuck that, you know why? Because I would much rather get back to the roots of this blog and why I started it in the first place – because all of you are an infection upon this world and need to be told so. So today, instead of an advice update, I will do one discussing the reasons why you're a piece of shit. You may be reading this thinking “lol he's gonna talk about some scumbags who aren't me and I'm gonna get a laugh” to which I say THAT MEANS YOU AS WELL, you ungodly mountain of ass. To quote the good Dr. Cox “yes you, forever you, a thousand times you.”

            The fact that you continue to live and breathe is an insult to the very fabric of existence. I have not the slightest idea why your two idiot parents decided to conceive you, but it is a decision that they and the rest of the world have regretted ever since the fateful day you slithered out of your mother's snatch, much to the astonishment of the delivery room doctor, who has never before in his medical career seen a baby born with such disfigurements as you and live. Your life is worth less than a broke dick dog's post-coitus cock drippings, you gushing geyser of diarrhea and fail.

            If you for one second even begin to believe that there is a chance in the deepest shit encrusted bowels of hell that you will ever, EVER, be allowed to look at a member of the opposite sex and so much as wink at them without the townsfolk stoning you to death with rocks wrapped in dismembered foreskin for said offense, then let me burst that fucking bubble for you real quick. The chances of you passing on your genes to a willing partner are so astronomical that there is a better chance of Martin Lawrence ever making a good movie that he wrote, directed and starred in. You might as well castrate yourself now and spare the world the horror of your offspring on the off chance that you jerk off in a napkin and somewhere down the line a homeless woman takes it out of the garbage and uses is as a tampon, because that is the only way you will ever propagate.

             There is no conceivable reason for your continued existence other than boosting the ratings of mediocre, repetitive television programming which serves only to show the worst in humankind and dumb you imbeciles down even further. Without you we might actually have something educational on network TV, but there is no reason for them to change the programming format because you monkey fucks keep watching to see which generic church singer is going to get a shitty recording contract this year. You see people dancing and singing in front of judges as entertainment, you consider 3 And A Half Men so hilarious that the drug addled mentally challenged dipshit known as Charlie Sheen makes two million per episode, and you view Fox News as a reliable news source. Rid the world of yourself and improve it vastly, you piss brained dick fuckers.

              There are over 6 billion people in this world and the vast majority of them are starving while you ignorant cunts stuff your ape-like faces with only the greasiest meat bi-products known to meat bi-product manufacturers. Imagine a shit mountain representing the world. Now imagine the topmost coiled dog turd; that's you. You are the topmost turd, but hey, at least you're on top, right? I hope every day that a disgruntled postman walks straight into your house at 4 in the afternoon, ties you to a radiator and proceeds to pillage your mother's asshole with a rusty pipe as you watch on with that ubiquitous spoon of lard sticking out of your mouth, you completely unwarranted insult to humanity.

              Fuck you, fuck your family, fuck anyone who looks like you, fuck anybody who likes you, fuck your dog, fuck your couch, fuck your hair, fuck that stupid little thing you do (you know the one), fuck your job, fuck your friends, fuck your shoes, fuck your preferred mode of transportation, fuck your dumb ass dentist, fuck your favorite musician, fuck your door mat, and finally and most of all, fuck your fucking face you fat fucking fucktarded fuckhole. You are the sole reason why this world should be destroyed by a million angry ferrets hell-bent on reclaiming that which was once theirs.

That was nice. I think I'll do it again sometime. Check back tomorrow, when I write a buncha stuff about a buncha other stuff!

Some ways you could die

Hey fuckbrains and welcome once again to the blog where all of your questions to life's mysteries get as firm and decisive an answer as the cock lodged up your mother's gaping asshole. Today we will discuss death and the ways in which you assorted bunch of maggot witted fuck tools are likely to meet it. Death is serious business, so I will approach the subject in my usual manner – irreverent and withholding any and all fucks. That having been said, let me further add that I don't expect you to seriously reflect on your own mortality after reading this, as you are all nothing more than barely sentient bushels of monkey dicks hung out to dry on a humid summer's day. Moving on.

The first way in which you will likely meet your inevitable demise that comes to mind is one that I hope actually happens every single last one of you bloated cum sponges: having your dick hole fucked by a ravenous, syphilitic razorback gorilla until it grows bored and rips your face off with its teeth and takes an acidic diarrhea shit on the exposed flesh as you cry and piss yourself in agony. You will eventually die of syphilis.

Another rather likely scenario is you tripping and falling into a wood chipper on your way to a Gaga concert and having it jam when you're only halfway through. Oh how you'll shriek and beg for the sweet release of death when you see the bottom half of that stubby little thing you call a body come shooting out of the other side of the machine, shredded beyond any and all recognition. After a short time of torturous pain and regretful reminiscence you will bleed out and slump over the edge of the receiver, at which point the contraption will burp, start up once more and pass the rest of you through onto the nearest lawn. I think I covered this scenario in the first post.

I don't think anyone has ever died of sheer stupidity, but my bet stands firm that you'll be the first. You will, at some point, actually become to god damned brain dead that every cell in your body will audibly say “fuck this” and shut down out of the extraordinary shame that must come from housing and supporting your brain, you extremely late term abortion. How you don't drown in your own saliva is beyond my comprehension.

Dying on the toilet is perhaps the closest you will ever come to a dignified death. I can see it now: you sitting there, passing what could probably be seen by Guinness as the world's least attractive shit, when suddenly your heart seizes up and you fall forward, spraying your rancid fecal matter comprised of onion rings and cheese all over your bathroom, and as the final wet squeak evacuates your dying body your entire family rushes into the room and laughs their asses off at you. This is the best you can hope for.

Car crashes, county fair ride accidents, fire works related deaths – all likely for the majority of you imbeciles. Infact, the next time you see something that might look like fun, you know like showing a lit candle up your ass, do the world a favor and do it. Your very existence on this planet is an insult to sentient being everywhere. I hope to never have to meet or interact with you in any imaginable way. Fuck you and anybody who likes you.

Yes I know I haven't posted in two days, and there is good reason for that, the reason being that I simply do not give a fuck. You should feel privileged that I've decided to share my words with you at all instead of keeping it all to myself and having you live your life like the miserable piece of fetid shit that you are and are destined to forever be.

Tune in tomorrow when I tell you how to overcome sickness!

Why you are a piece of shit and how I can help.

Let's face it – you're reading this blog for a reason, that reason most likely being that you saw the title and thought to yourself “Hey, I AM a piece of bubbling, rancid shit in society's punch bowl who couldn't be liked by anyone other than my socially inept pet who doesn't know any better if there was an eclair and a Coors Light at the conclusion of the effort! I wonder what wisdom this man, who is clearly far superior to me in every way humanly possible has to offer me regarding this affliction I seem to have been suffering from ever since the day I crawled out of my poor mother's cavernous snatch.”

Well, its your lucky day you worthless Ziplock bag of rat semen, for I have seen it fit to waste my valuable time writing this piece of shit for mongoloids like yourself who just can't seem to find the energy to propel their massive beast-like asses off the now permanently indented couch and do something for their own benefit and for the benefit of society at large.

Why, you may be asking yourself, has this god among men decided to bless us filthy, unwashed masses with his jewels of insight? The reason for that is simple: I have grown immeasurably weary of seeing you sloth-like dull witted masses of alleged humanity slither your ways through this one life we get, thinking only of where your next immensely proportioned meal is coming from and where to acquire the most money with the least effort to afford the calories provided by said meal which, and I have no idea how, still fail to give you biological trash disposals the energy necessary to do anything besides being immobile for prolonged periods of time previously thought only hypothetical by quantum physicists.

No, this is not a blog about working out, nor am I trying to motivate you to get in shape or think positively or whatever other bullshit the bullshit peddlers have been peddling. I am simply trying to make you realize that you are a worthless scumfuck with little to no ultimate potential in life who can either take my advice and stop being a worthless scumfuck or build yourself a space shuttle made entirely out of dicks and fly the good ship SS Cocksucker directly into Dick Planet where you can spend the rest of your life sucking every dick that Dick Planet is composed of and be as content, if not more so, as you would have been on planet Earth doing much the same thing when your welfare ran out.

I would like to dedicate this blog to absolutely no one. It was an effort made entirely by me and anyone who says any different is a lying pile of trailer park grade NASCAR party vomit who should be beaten to death with dismembered elephant cocks, liquefied in a giant blender and force fed to their own mothers until they burst in a confetti of flesh, shit and blood. Then set fire to the whole mess and forget it ever happened. I would like to thank my inflated sense of self worth for giving me the wherewithal to look upon the meat sacs that infect this planet with their perpetual case of stupid and get so tired of sneering that I actually had to write a blog. And finally, I would like to make it known that as you read this, it is entirely possible that at this very moment I am fantasizing about slapping you clear across the face with a sun dried square of thick leather until something clicks in your brain, you come to an epiphany of some sort and quit being a vapid cunt fit for only for shredding and being used as mulch for my front yard or until your eyes come out of their sockets. Whichever comes first. I'm betting on the latter.

Now quit being a bitch and wait for the next post.